


Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-01
Updated: 2001-09-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A fundraiser, a date with a non-gomer, a concert and a promise made over Chinese take-out





	1. Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters, they are the profit of Aaron Sorkin, NBC, and CBS (wasn't that the network Sports Night was on?). I'm receiving no money, or anything else for that matter, for this story. It's a cure for boredom, basically. 

SUMMARY: A fundraiser, a date with a non-gomer, a concert, and a promise made over Chinese take-out. 

CATERGORY: Josh/Donna 

RATING: PG 13 (occasional curse word) 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just felt like starting in on a new Josh/Donna series. I had some fun with this first story. And I freely admit that I robbed a scene from Sports Night. If you watched that show, you might recognize it. Feedback appreciated greatly. Greatly. 

Many thanks to Toni, for beta reading. 

"Love makes intellectual pretzels of us all"   
-Sarah Bird, New York Times Magazine 

INTELLECTUAL PRETZELS: THE KUNG PAO CHICKEN PACT 

part one 

  


"You've got Budget scheduled for Monday at ten," Donna Moss spoke into the phone. 

She heard Josh groan over the line. "That early?" 

"Yeah. How's it going down there in Florida?" 

"Just peachy. The launch is scheduled for tomorrow morning, and the   
president's practically jumping up and down like a ten year old before   
Christmas." 

"Which means he's driving you and Toby crazy with inane trivia on Jupiter." 

"Yeah," he sighed, "I'm not even going to begin about the Great Spot. They had to name that probe after him, didn't they?" 

"Deep Space Probe 'Josiah' has a nice ring to it." 

"Whatever. How's my schedule tomorrow?" 

"After you get in, you've got a clear Saturday night." 

"All the more time to catch up on all the crap I put off this week." 

Donna leaned back in Josh's chair. There were definitely perks to be had when she didn't accompany him on some of the president's trips. Namely, using his office and having access to his refrigerator. 

"Don't drink all my beer." The man was freakishly telepathic sometimes. 

"I'm not the one being punished. If you look closely at this situation,   
you'll see that I'm the one still in DC while you're down in Cape Canaveral. You had to make that comment, didn't you?" 

"I was simply stating the truth to the President. The pope's hat *is* funny looking, Donna." 

"Of course you had to make that comment. Because it's a fundamental rule of the Josh Lyman universe that whenever things are going well, you have to say the one thing that makes you look like a giant jackass. In this case, making fun of the head of the Catholic church in front of a devout Catholic. I mean, what's the deal, Josh? Is it some type of genetic disorder?" 

"Whatever." 

"The offshore drilling meeting go okay?" 

"Yes, surprisingly. Though the oil companies did fully live up to our   
expectation of being a giant pain in the ass. Toby had to threaten to   
unleash the full fury of Samuel Norman Seaborn on them." 

"Pity the fool." 

"The surprising part is that the governor, a very conservative Republican, actually came down on our side of this." 

"Well, it's an issue a lot of Florida residents feel strongly about. Not to mention wanting to keep the tourist industry intact. Oil towers tend to turn off vacationers." 

"True," Josh conceded. "I'd still like to see Sam slap them around a bit. It'd make good dinner theatre." 

"Yep," Donna agreed. "Speaking of whom, I need to go." 

"Why?" 

Donna stood, still holding the phone, and smoothed out the front of her dark blue dress. "Sam couldn't find a date on short notice for the fundraiser thing, so I'm Cinderella for the night." 

"Sam couldn't get a date? Sam Seaborn?" Well, at least Josh had something new to mock Sam about. 

"Well, Mallory's still seeing that hockey player and Ainsley's out of town." 

"What does Ainsley Hayes have to do with anyth-- Oh." There was a pause. "Really?" Josh sounded incredulous. 

"Not officially. But there's a buzz on the grapevine." 

Josh made a snorting noise. He hated office gossip. "But she's...I mean she's very smart, talented, and yeah, she's pretty attractive. But she's - y'know...a Republican." 

"Oh, for God's sake Josh! It's not like it's the Montagues and the   
Capulets." 

"No, more like the Hatfields and the McCoys." 

"I'm going now." 

"Fine. Have fun and don't drink too much." 

"Gee, thanks Dad." 

"Funny girl. You're in tomorrow, right?" 

"Of course." 

"Okay. Seriously, though, have fun. You deserve it." 

Donna smiled. He really needed to warn her before he switched from normal (aka jackass) to sweet. "Thanks. I'll try. It's a fundraiser, though." 

"Head for the alcohol." 

Donna laughed. "That's the plan. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up the phone just as Sam appeared, looking pretty damn good in his tuxedo. 

"Ready?" 

"Yep," Donna said as she picked up the dress's matching purse and shawl.   
"You look great in a tux, Sam." He really did. It always kind of amazed her that she worked so close to the man who made all the female hearts flutter in the White House, and she was more hung up on Josh. 

Whoops. That thought just slipped right out there. 

"Thank you," Sam said. He gave her a jokingly exaggerated once-over. "And you look fantastic." 

Donna smiled, shrugged, and took Sam's arm. "Tonight's going to suck, isn't it?" 

"It's a fundraiser, Donna, of course it'll suck. Free martini's, though. I promise we'll head for them as soon as we're there." 

"Sounds good." 

"Let's go." 

  


Donna popped the olive from her third martini into her mouth and surveyed the scene with a bored gaze. Still, she smiled and tried to act like she were enjoying herself. She'd struck up a conversation here and there with a few members of Congress and some aides she was used to dealing with for Josh. But otherwise, the evening had been pretty dull. 

And it was definitely not because Josh was in Cape Canaveral. 

She made a resolution to view the surroundings with not boredom, but amused detachment. If this worked, maybe she could write her own self help book. 'Amused Detachment: How to Survive the Bitchiest City on Earth Without Killing Anyone'. And it could be followed up by 'Bantering Denial: How to Avoid Admitting the Fact that You're Hopelessly in Love with Your Boss'. 

Where the hell had that one come from? 

Alcohol did weird things with her mind. At least she didn't have a   
sensitive system. 

Gah! She couldn't even spend one evening pretending to enjoy herself without thinking of Josh. This had to stop. Another drink should help that. 

"Hi. Donna, right?" 

She nearly jumped out of her skin as she turned and found herself face to face with Dan Rydell of Sports Night. He was just as tall and handsome as he'd looked when they where introduced half an hour ago. 

"Uh, yeah." Oh, good one there, Einstein. "I mean, yes, hi." Just keep going, babe, you're doing great. 

Hey, Dan Rydell remembered her name. 

He held out his hand. Suddenly Donna found a small glimmer of hope for the evening. "Dan Rydell. We met a few minutes ago. You were with Sam Seaborn and CJ Cregg." 

Don't. Fall. Over. "Yes, I remember. Where's your charming counterpart this evening?" Yes! Verbal systems back online, Captain! 

There was a small smile on his face that was distinctly reminiscent of Josh. No! No Josh. Forget the Lyman. "You watch the show?" 

She felt an answering smile on her own face. "Hmm...so you assume that just because I'm female, therefore I do not like sports and would not watch a sports-oriented program?" What the hell? She just met this man, and already she was trying to start up some kind of teasing/flirting banter. 

"No, I'm just still astounded that people actually watched us. Any people. The producers keep telling me that people will watch the new show from LA, too, but I'm incurably pessimistic sometimes." 

Oh, yeah, this was definitely more like it. 

"I like hockey," she supplied. "I'm sure I'll watch the new show as well." 

"Capitols?" 

"Penguins. I have an aunt in Pittsburgh." 

"I have an autographed puck from Mario Lemieux." 

"That makes two of us." Was this really happening? Was she really talking to Dan Rydell as comfortably as she would be with... 

Oh, no. So not going there. Forget the Lyman. Forget the Lyman. 

He offered her his arm. Points for gentlemanly behavior. "Would you like to go outside on the terrace? Things in here are a little -" 

"Stuffy? Boring? Fake?" 

Dan laughed. He had a really nice laugh. Almost as nice as - Gah! Stop it! 

"Exactly." 

"Love to." She took his arm and they stepped out into the warm summer air. There were large pots of heavily scented flowers all over the tiled terrace, and strings of white lights strung overheard. It was quite a lovely sight. 

"I hate these things. I don't mind donating to the Democratic Party, but I really don't want my ass kissed. I don't know where these noses have been." 

Donna laughed. "Sam couldn't get a date, so I'm the little sister tonight." 

"So are you two...?" 

"Oh! God, no. We're just friends and coworkers." 

Dan looked a little sheepish. "You didn't seem like you were, but I thought I'd just be a rude jerk and ask." 

"Don't worry about it. I work in Washington. I'm used to rude jerks," she joked. Dan chuckled. Rude jerks like a certain smirking, dimpled -Gah! 

"Nice, evening," he said, glancing up at the small scattering of stars that were visible. 

"Yeah," she said. 

This just might be a good night. 

  


Donna stifled a yawn as she slid into the passenger seat of Sam's Lexus. "I like your car, Sam. Nice, but not ostentatious. It's kind of like you." 

Sam shook his head in amusement. "Thanks for the compliment, Donna. And may I make the casual observation that you are drunk?" 

"You may, becuase I am." 

"Yeah." They pulled away from the valet and the hotel. "Was that Dan Rydell I saw you talking to in there?" 

"Yep. He's really nice." Which a certain other person was not. Most of the time. 

Again, Sam looked distinctly amused. "Was he hitting on you?" 

"Every bit as much as I was hitting on him." Oops! She hadn't meant to say that out loud. 

Sam choked out a laugh. "Donna!" 

"I think the martinis helped a bit." 

"I'd say. How do I get to your apartment from here?" 

"Turn left at that light." She paused for a moment. "He asked for my phone number." 

"You think he'll call?" 

"Probably not." Donna brushed the hair out of her face. "Go down four blocks and make a right," she sighed. "He's only in DC for a few more days, and then he's going out to LA for the new show." 

"He might call. Left up here?" 

"Yeah. I dout it, but it was still nice that he even asked. Nice for my ego, at least." Donna had to be one of the few people Sam knew that could consume a decent amount of alcohol and still retain eloquence. 

"Yeah." Sam pulled up to her building. "Here we are. I'll walk you in." 

He walked her up to the door of her second floor apartment. She turned and smiled. "Thank you, Sam." 

"Thanks for being my date and letting me drag you into an evening of unending boredom. Though it seems to have turned out okay for you," he added. 

Donna chuckled. "You're welcome, Sam. I'll see you tomorrow?" 

"Yeah. Donna?" 

She looked up from unlocking her door. "Yeah?" 

"You really do look fantastic tonight. He's an idiot if he doesn't call." 

Donna smiled. "Thank you, Sam. Good night." 

"'Night, Donna." He smiled back, and headed down the stairs. 

Yeah, it'd been a pretty good night. 


	2. Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact 2

 

SEE PART ONE FOR DISCLAIMER AND INFO 

Intellectual Pretzels: The Kung Pao Chicken Pact   
Part 2 

"Love makes intellectual pretzels of us all."   
-Sarah Bird, New York Times Magazine 

  


SATURDAY MORNING 

"Hey, Donna." 

"Hey, CJ," Donna said as she looked up from her index cards. 

"When do they get back?" 

"Seven. You need to see Josh when he gets in?" 

"Yeah." 

"Okay." Donna reached for a pen. "I'll make a note." She scribbled something on a sticky note and stuck it on her copy of Josh's schedule. "Anything else?" 

"No, thank you," CJ said, but she looked for the world as if she were holding something back. She tapped her nails on her coffee mug and stared at Donna as if trying to figure out how her mouth worked and sound came out. 

"Yes?" Donna prompted. 

"Dan Rydell asked for your phone number?" CJ blurted. 

Donna grinned. "Sure did. Not that he'll call or anything, but it's a little boon to the self-image." 

CJ smiled. "Dan Rydell and Casey McCall are above the ranks of ordinary men, Donna. He'll call." 

"No, he won't, and I have to get back to these index cards." 

"Okay." CJ could bring the smirk. 

Then, of all things, her phone rang. CJ stood still as she saw Donna's eyes widen in surprise. Her voice dropped a level or two as she swiveled her chair away from CJ. A minute later she swiveled (weren't office chairs great?) back towards CJ, the phone in her lap and the surprise still evident in her expression. 

"Was that him?" CJ asked, as calmly as she could manage. 

Donna nodded. 

"He called? Really?" 

She nodded again. "My roommate gave him this number." 

"Well?" CJ demanded impatiently. 

"We're having dinner at eight." She shook her head, and seemed to break out of her reverie. "Which means I need to get this done so I can leave at six." 

"You won't be here when Josh gets back," CJ pointed out, "though with a normal boss that wouldn't matter." 

"He's a big boy now, CJ. I think it's time he were potty-trained, so to speak." There. Take that Lyman! Ha! 

CJ said nothing, just raised her eyebrows and turned towards her office. After a moment's pause, she smiled to herself and went back to work. 

  


Josh Lyman walked through the bullpen towards his office, not bothering to look up from the briefing memo Jeffrey had handed him. He walked past Donna's desk, still absorbed in the memo. He set down his pack by the visitor's chair in his office and took off his suit jacket. As he hung it up on the coat rack, he suddenly realized that something was different. 

Where the hell was Donna? 

He looked out at her desk. Her computer was off, and neither her little bag or her light summer jacket were out there. Donna was not there. Donna had said that she would be. Where was Donna? 

He really did have an Ivy League education. Really. 

Josh re-entered his office upon realizing that bellowing would get him no answer. He looked over at his desk and caught sight of a bright pink sticky note attached to Monday's schedule. Donna used that color to get his attention. At least, that's what she said. Josh was convinced she did it just to annoy him. 

All the note said was to see CJ when he got in. He frowned and scanned the desk for other brightly colored post-its, but there were none. The frown progressed to a glare, and he picked up the phone to dial Donna's number. And he got the answering machine, which he hung up on instead of leaving a message. He had a thing about recorded messages. 

There was a soft knock at the door. He looked up and saw Kathy as he was dialing Donna's cell phone. Josh motioned for her to hang on. Instead of ringing, the cell transferred him to yet another recorded message. He hung it up in disgust, but he was starting to worry. It wasn't like Donna not to leave some kind of note if she couldn't be there. 

"Sam wants to see you when you've got a free minute," Kathy said. 

"Okay," he replied, then thought of something. "Hey, Kathy," he asked, "do you happen to know where Donna is? She said earlier that she'd be here, but her computer's off, and her stuff's not out there." 

Kathy gave him an odd look. "She didn't tell you?" 

Josh frowned. "Tell me what?" He had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Was she okay? They would've already told him if something was wrong, wouldn't they? 

Kathy blinked. "She had a date." 

What?! "With who?" A date? 

Kathy looked at him like he was a complete buffoon. Which, in all fairness, she had witnessed him being on several occasions. "With Dan Rydell." 

...say what? 

No way. 

This was a joke, right? But Kathy didn't look like she was joking. 

"The sportscaster?" 

She rolled her eyes. Kathy could do that really well. "Know many other men named Dan Rydell? You mean she honestly didn't tell you?" 

"How the hell did she - " 

"Talk to Sam." 

Oh. The fundraiser. "Why didn't she tell me?" he muttered. The sinking feeling hadn't gone away. Why the hell was this bothering him? 

This shouldn't bother him. Not like this. 

"Can't say I blame her," Kathy said, fixing him with her best derisive stare. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It means what it means," Kathy shrugged. 

"Kathy-" 

"Oh, come on, Josh! Everytime that poor girl gets a date you have to rip the guy to shreds! I'm not saying that they usually don't deserve it, but you also manage to tear her self-esteem apart as well. And after your last little performance with that insurance lobbyist! Where the hell do you get off telling Donna that she has terrible taste in men and a low sense of self-worth? Gee, Josh, I can't believe she didn't tell you she had a date tonight!" As soon as she said it, Kathy looked as if she regretted every word. 

Josh stared at her for a good solid minute, her words sinking in, and the truth in them painfully apparent. "Tell Sam I have to see CJ first," he said, his voice sounding a bit empty to his own ears. 

Kathy still looked as if she wanted to apologize, but they both knew it wouldn't do any good. She'd spoken the truth, ugly as it was. "Yeah," she said, and headed back towards the Communications Office. Josh sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

The question was, why the hell didn't he realize that before? 

Kathy was absolutely right. He had no right to make comments on Donna's personal life. He was her boss, not her boyfriend, and it was very obvious that Donna wanted him to butt out. Had he really hurt her that much? Wouldn't she have told him? 

He'd intended to call Donna's pager, but thought better of it. She'd have it with her in case of some kind of national emergency, but Josh was sure she'd be completely pissed if he called her for any other reason. And right now, pissing off Donna did seem like a good idea. And not just because she was the only one who knew where anything in his office was. He just didn't want her to leave. 

Why, exactly, was something he was damn sure he didn't want to think about right now. 

Would she leave? Was she just waiting for the right time? After everything that had happened over Christmas, he wouldn't blame her himself. But Donna had given absolutely no sign that she was thinking of leaving, or even that she'd been that hurt. He thought she'd understood that he hadn't been himself, and that he didn't mean so much of what had been said. 

Obviously his thoughts weren't going to let him get off that easy. The bottom line was that he was terrified of her leaving. Donna knew that she could talk to him about whatever was bothering her, didn't she? She'd never hesitated to tell Josh before when he'd pissed her off. The very unpleasant thought occurred to him that he just might have really hurt her. 

Idiot. Josh closed his eyes for a moment, and a memory sprang up, unbidden. 

***It was dark, and the noise of the the city outside was relatively low. Just the occasional hiss of tires on a wet street and a car horn here and there. He felt alone, alone and still so weak. His weakness scared him. The nights were sometimes like this, with dakrness so heavy it felt like an iron weight on his soul. Usually he could shut his eyes, hum quietly to himself, and he'd feel better, eventually falling back asleep. 

The apartment felt very quiet and empty without her. Usually, she waited until he fell asleep, then left. He'd never told her about how he woke up at night. He didn't want her to worry. 

But this time he couldn't hum the heaviness away, and it felt as though the weight of it would crush him. He couldn't control it, and before long his body shook with sobs. It hurt his back, but he couldn't stop. He felt so small beneath it, so ridiculously helpless...and scared. 

"Josh?" A soft voice, accompanied by a soft touch on his forehead. "Are you alright?" 

Donna! She must've fallen asleep on the couch instead of going home. He couldn't speak, his jaws were clenched so tight. But he reached for her, gratefull for her warm presence. He felt her arms wrap around him, and she held on while the sobs ran their painfull course. Eventually it subsided, and he fell asleep to the comfort of her hand on his back and her voice in his ear...*** 

That was the first panic attack he remembered having after...after the shooting. It was a picnic compared to those that came after. The depression had come first, and the irritability. Josh honestly could not remember a single day that Donna had not been there. even when his mother hovered over him the first month, Donna still came by his apartment everyday like clockwork. 

He'd bitched, he'd moaned, he'd complained, and he'd cried, and through it all Donna had been supportive. She never got angry, never got exasperated. 

And under no circumstances could he fall in love with his assistant. 

This was bad on so many levels. 

Josh sighed, that sinking feeling still with him, and headed towards CJ's office. As it turned out, she wasn't there that very minute, so he went ahead down to see Sam. 

Samuel Norman Seaborn, he thought, you have some serious explaining to do. 

 


	3. Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact 3

 

SEE PART ONE FOR DISCLAIMER AND INFO 

Intellectual Pretzels: The Kung Pao Chicken Pact   
Part 3 

"Love makes intellectual pretzels of us all,"   
-Sarah Bird, New York Times magazine 

  


"...and so, apparently he did call," Sam finished. Well, actually Josh wasn't sure if he was finished or not, but Sam had reached the point where Josh didn't want to hear another word. 

"Sam," he interrupted, "can I ask you something?" 

Sam blinked. "Okay." 

"Do you think I'm chasing Donna away?" Okay, where did that come from? Think before speak, Lyman. 

The other man appeared puzzled for a minute, then nodded in understanding. "Oh, you mean like how she didn't tell you about her date because you inevitably pick him apart and make her feel like crap?" 

"I do not!" Josh protested, though he knew full well that he did. 

"Yes, you do." 

"How the hell would you know?" Kathy, probably. 

"She told me." 

Josh swore his heart stopped beating for a minute. "She did?" he asked quietly, "When?" 

"Before she left tonight." 

"Oh." Ugh. Attack of the sinking feeling. 

Unbeknownst to Josh at that very moment, Sam was studying his friend's stricken expression and coming to the same conclusion that Josh had earlier. "Jesus, Josh, you really are jealous." 

"I'm not jealous." Politician's automatic denial. 

"You are jealous." 

"I'm concerned." 

"Donna's a big girl, Josh, she can take care of herself." 

"I know that Sam!" Josh exploded, "I also know that she can take care of a bed-ridden thirty-nine year-old who's too weak to even feed himself, okay?" His voice level dropped as Sam stared at him. "So you'll excuse me if I'm worried that she'll end up with some loser excuse for a man who'll make her feel like ten times less than what I know she's worth." Josh sank back down on the couch and rubbed his forehead. 

"Wow," Sam said finally, "you've got it bad." 

Huh? "Huh?" 

Sam waved his hand vaguely. "You. It. Bad." 

"'It'? Sam, you're a speechwriter. Aren't you paid to have good communication skills?" 

"You know what I'm talking about," Sam insisted. 

"I really don't," said Josh, who had a feeling he did. Please, just don't let Sam say it out loud. Please don't let his feelings be that transparent. 

"You're in love with Donna." Shit. How could Sam know that? How could anyone know it when he'd just figured it out himself? Had he been that deep in denial? Yeah, 'cause he wasn't the master of denial or anything. 

Was he in love with Donna? 

Shit. This sucked. 

"Maybe." 

Sam's eyebrows shot up in shock. "'Maybe'?" 

"Yeah." 

"Wow." 

"You were expecting a denial?" 

"Frankly, yes." Sam stared at him. 

"I've been in enough denial as it is. I just - " he broke off to rake a hand through his hair again. "She's really important to me, Sam. That's all I know for sure right now. That's all I can afford to know, mostly for her sake." 

"What's your reasoning there?" 

Josh closed his eyes for a moment, then reopened them. "Look, Sam, she was there. Through everything. I put her through so much crap, and she still was there for me. I don't know when it happened, but sometime along the way she become so important to me that..." He broke off and took a breath. "I have no idea how I would've survived this without her, Sam, I really don't." Josh paused for a moment, but Sam kept quiet. It was a rare thing to have such an admission from Josh, who preferred to keep deeper, more personal emotions to himself. 

"Think about it, Sam," he continued, "even supposing that I ever figure this out enough to tell Donna, supposing she feels the same way - what can we do about it? I'm her boss! Our enemies in Congress, not to mention the Mary Mosses of the world, would leap at the opportunity to take down a member of the President's senior staff. It'd be reduced to a scandal, and Donna's name would be dragged through the mud. I can't allow that to happen. I can't let the most important person in my life become the butt of a political joke!" 

"Josh," Sam said, "I had a picture taken with a prostitute. A woman I'd had however a brief and uninformed relationship with. We got Leo through Lillienfield's drug firestorm. We can handle this. We can protect Donna." 

"How, Sam? There's no way." 

"Oh, ye of little faith." 

"Sam - " 

"Josh, don't worry about that. Let me. Let CJ, and Toby, and Leo. What you need to worry about is telling Donna before you've lost her to someone else. If you don't, you're going to wake up one morning and she'll have settled for someone she doesn't love half as much as you." 

Josh sighed. "Do you really think she - " 

"Ask yourself why she was there. Why would she have been so concerned if she just looked at you as her boss?" 

"I guess so," he still sounded uncertain, but there was a note of hope to his voice. 

Sam smiled. "Then let us handle it." He sobered for a minute. "Josh, you're the closest thing I have to a brother. For years you've been one of my closest friends. You're the heart of this administration, Josh. We all nearly lost you. You think I'm going to let a little thing like the media stop me from seeing you happy? Or CJ or even Toby for that matter? And Leo, whether he'll admit or not, sees you as his own son. You deserve to be happy, Josh." 

Josh stared at him for quite a while. After a time, he simply said, "Thank you." Two words, but they spoke volumes. 

"You two belong together." 

"Well, don't go formulating a strategy just yet. Donna's still out with Dan Rydell, remember?" 

"Yeah, but she's in love with you." 

"You think so?" 

"I do." 

"Well, I don't know if you're really the one I want to take advice from when it comes to relationships." 

Sam smiled. If Josh was back in full Lyman mocking mode, then he definitely felt better. "Well, consider your options. Toby and Leo are the masters of divorce, and CJ's lovelife is limited to Danielle Steele novels." 

"This is true." 

"You could always talk to the President," Sam said, half joking. 

"Oh, good. Then he can lecture me on the history of human relationships in latin." 

"No, for that he might try sanskrit." 

"Sam...do you think she really -" 

"Talk to her." 

"Sam-" 

"Talk to her." 

Josh took a deep breath and released it carefully. "Yeah." 

"Go home and get some sleep," Sam urged. 

"Like I could sleep with this on my mind," Josh drawled. 

"Go home." 

He stood. "I have to see CJ first." 

"I'll see you Monday." 

"Yeah." 

CJ glared at a file in front of her, reached over, and turned up the volume on her little CD player. 

"Wow. Tracy Chapman. What's wrong? You only break out the soothing lesbian blues artists for special occasions." 

Despite her best efforts, CJ smiled anyway and motioned Josh into her office. "Well, granted it's not U2, but I can do a better Tracy than you can do Bono." 

"There's nothing wrong with my Bono," Josh said, taking a seat. 

"Sure, if you totally disregard the fact that you sound nothing like him. Hey, did you hear about Donna?" CJ's eyebrow quirked upward. 

Something in his face changed. "Yeah." 

CJ frowned. "Josh-" 

"Just let it go, Claudia Jean." 

"Okay." As if she had any intention of it. 

"So what'd you need?" 

"The stem cell thing." 

"Oh, God." 

"You ain't just whistling dixie," CJ said, writing a note to Carol. 

Josh leaned his head on the back of CJ's couch and stared at the ceiling. "This is going to be bad, isn't it?" 

"I'd break out 'The Joshua Tree' if I were you." 

Josh groaned. 

CJ smirked and stood. "I'm going to give this to Carol, and then we'll talk." 

"Okay." 

She stepped outside. Carol looked up as CJ handed her the note, which said to call Sam and tell him not to leave until CJ spoke with him. CJ put her finger to her lips, then indicated Josh in the office. 

"Is it the date?" Carol asked softly. 

"I don't know. Call Sam," CJ replied, heading back in. 

"Well, this ought to be interesting," Carol said under her breath. With a barely contained smile she dialed Sam's office. 

"Sam!" 

"Yes, oh bane of my existence?" Sam poked his head out of his office, glaring at Kathy, who'd stolen the last can of Coca-cola out of his refridgerator. 

"Oh, for crying out loud, Sam, I'll give you fifty cents for the vending machine." 

Sam sighed. "It's the principal of the matter, Kathy. What do you need?" 

"Don't leave until you talk to CJ." 

"She call?" 

"Carol did. CJ's in with Josh, now." 

"Kathy?" Sam had caught the brief change in Kathy's expression. 

"I may have said something...well, stupid." 

"To whom?" 

She winced. "Josh." 

"About?" 

"Donna." 

"Oh, God." 

"Yeah. What does CJ want?" 

"Possibly to kill me." 

"Okay." 


	4. Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact 4

 

  
***For disclaimers and info see part one 

INTELLECTUAL PRETZELS: THE KUNG PAO CHICKEN PACT 

Part 4 

"Love makes intellectual pretzels of us all."   
-Sarah Bird, New York Times Magazine 

  


SUNDAY MORNING 

Donna leaned back in her extremely comfortable couch, relaxing in in the nice slow pace of Sunday morning. Or at least, attempting to relax. She should be relaxed. There was a steaming cup of coffee, a copy of the Washington Post, and jazz coming through the radio. It was by all means, a lovely morning. 

But she just couldn't relax. 

And it was starting to get annoying. 

Donna just didn't understand it. Or rather, she kept telling herslef that she didn't understand it. The reason was really pretty obvious. 

Josh. Plain and simple. The Lyman had struck again, damn him. Even though he'd technically done nothing yet, he'd still managed to cast a shadow over what had been a really nice evening. 

The dinner with Dan had been so nice. He'd taken her to this little homey Italian restaurant that had served incredible food (she'd made a mental note to tell the food-obsessive Leo about it). It was a very easy-going, relaxed atmosphere, which carried over into their conversation. Though, technically, by the end of the evening, they'd both decided it wasn't really a date at all. Dan admitted that he really liked her (whoo-hooh! score one for ego, baby!), but they'd agreed that with him going to LA, there was no hope for a romantic involvement. 

They'd settled into an easy friendship, though, which was good. With such a busy schedule it was hard for her to fit in a social life, and her friend file was sadly lacking. Plus, he'd offered to take her to Sunday night's concert (Oh, God, that was tonight. Dress. Must find dress) at the Kennedy Center. 

A concert which she also knew the President would be attending. It was South African traditional and contemporary music to honor the visit of President Mbeki. She also knew the President would be dragging along whichever senior staff member he chose to punish with a complete lecture on the utterly inane details of South Africa's history. After Josh's recent pope comment, Donna was looking forward to watching him squirm as the President explained a young Xhosa male's right of passage ceremony. 

What was bugging her was that Josh hadn't called her yet. On a normal Sunday, Josh would've called her at eight or nine in the morning, demanding she come into the office and help him with whatever idiot thing he'd screwed up. It was usually done on the excuse that he couldn't understand her filing system, but she knew it was just an excuse to get on her nerves. Typical Josh Lyman. 

It was eleven thirty. Why hadn't he called? Donna shook her head. She was angry that Josh (who was possibly also angry) hadn't made his usual call that usually made her angry. 

Ugh. This sucked. 

Not that he had any right to be angry with her. Not that she should care if he was anyway! He was her boss, not her boyfriend. That was it. Donna resolved then and there to become a missionary in the Congo. Screw politics, screw men, and screw men who were in politics! 

Yep. This definitely sucked. She should just march right in there and tell Josh to kiss her pretty little alabaster butt. Donna laughed as she pictured what the expression on his face would be. 

She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. Yes, he was her boss, but he was also a friend. The line was complicated where their professional relationship met their personal one, and Donna knew she'd pulled a low one in not telling Josh about the date. There were a lot of unspoken rules they both played by. 

Which also greatly annoyed her. The most frustrating part of it was that she was never quite sure of where she stood with Josh. What made it so frustrating was the fact that despite all the reasons why it was a bad idea, she was...well...in love with him. 

This so sucked it was beyond suckiness. 

All the more reason to keep the whole thing on a professional level. Or at least nothing more than the friendship they already had. Donna knew full well that she couldn't risk her emotions on a ridiculous fantasy that would never become reality. 

Just how pissed was Josh? She was sure he would've called her by now. With the stem cell controversy going on, he was bound to be in his office, elbow-deep in briefing memos. 

Maybe she should- 

No. Remain strong, Donna. Do not call. 

Do. Not. Call. 

Donna waited impatiently for another fifteen minutes, then decided that it would not be giving in if she went to the office of her own accord. If Josh happened to be there... 

Well, then, he happened to be there. 

  


Josh hung up the phone with a sour look. He'd waited until noon to call Donna to avoid pissing her off more than was necessary. The damn answering maching had picked up again. That, and to avoid talking to her, period. Sam's words from yesterday still reverberated unforgivingly around his skull. 

It was just too complicated. He'd lain awake most of the night, turning things over in his mind. The thing was, he really didn't know what it was he felt for Donna, and that scared the hell out of him. Maybe it was the coward's way out, but he just wanted things to be normal again. 

Well, what passed for normal between them, anyway. 

Where the hell was Donna? 

The obvious answer occured to him, and he felt his stomach drop. That wasn't like Donna, though, was it? To sleep with a guy on their first date? 

That was *so* not what he wanted to think about right now. That by-now-familiar sinking feeling had a made what felt like a permanent reappearance. 

Heaving a sigh, Josh reached over and turned up the volume on his computer. CJ had been right. He'd thrown 'Achtung, Baby' into the CD tray five sentences into the first memo. 

"Her skin is pale like God's only dove, screams like an angel for your love..." sang Bono. 

Josh groaned and lowered his forehead with a thump on his desk. Concentrate, damn it! This stem cell thing was going to be really big, requiring an official stance by the President, battles in Congress, and all Josh could think about was whether or not he was in love with his assistant! An assistant who possibly spent the night with Dan Rydell. 

Ugh. 

"This whole stem cell research thing's really bothering you, isn't it?" 

Josh's head snapped up as he heard an all-too familiar voice. Donna stood in the doorway with her arms crossed in a typical Donna stance. Josh briefly wondered that he knew what qualified as a typical Donna stance. 

"I haven't heard 'Achtung, Baby' in awhile," she explained, nodding towards the computer. She sounded a little apprehensive. 

Josh gestured dumbly at the phone. "I tried to call you." 

Donna frowned. "I was home all morning. When did you call?" 

Now he felt really stupid. "Five minutes ago." She was home all morning? Did that mean she didn't spend the night with Rydell? Maybe they'd stayed at her aparment. 

Josh had realized over the past few days that he had an uncanny knack for self-torture. 

"How was your date?" he asked. Nice work being subtle, idiot. Think before speak. 

She looked a little embarrassed. "It was nice, but I wouldn't really call it a date." 

Really? "Really?" Yeah, don't sound eager there or anything. 

Donna shrugged and sat down in the visitor's chair directly opposite Josh. "He's moving out to LA for the new show. I live here and have no intention of leaving. It wouldn't work." She shrugged again. "But it was nice to be noticed, and he's a really great guy. Fun to hang out with, anyway." 

Josh tried not to show the sense of relief he felt at the words 'no intention of leaving'. "Okay," Josh said, and left it at that. 

She smiled and held his gaze. After a moment, she looked down at her hands and then back up at him. "Listen," she began, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, or leave you some kind of note." 

"It's alright. I understand." He did? 

Donna stared. "You do?" 

Josh shrugged uncomfortably. "I know I'm not exactly what you'd call supportive when it comes to you and - " 

"The local gomers?" she suppled. 

"Yeah," he admitted. "I guess I can be kind of a - " 

"Jerk?" she supplied again, trying not to smirk. 

"Yeah." 

"So you're apologizing?" 

"Yeah." He smiled. 

"Okay." 

"Okay?" 

"Yeah." 

Josh rubbed his forehead. "Right. You take that stack and I'll keep working on this one." 

"Right." Donna reached for the stack of memos perched precariously on the edge of his desk. 

Josh felt an immense sense of relief. Things seemed normal again. 

Somewhere in the back of his head, a voice was screaming at him to sort this thing out before it was too late. He sighed inwardly. Another day. He'd sort it out another day. 

He looked over at her, sifting through a stack of papers with a highlighter in hand and a pencil tucked behind her ear. She was humming softly to 'Mysterious Ways'. Josh felt something that resembled a twinge of longing. 

Yeah. He was definitely going to have to figure this out. And he wasn't entirely sure it could wait another day. 


	5. Intellectual Pretzels:  The Kung Pao Chicken Pact 5

 

***see part one for disclaimers and info 

INTELLECTUAL PRETZELS: THE KUNG PAO CHICKEN PACT 

Part 5 Conclusion (I think) 

"Love makes intellectual pretzels of us all."   
-Sarah Bird, New York Times magazine 

"Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted."   
-Aldous Huxley 

  


Josh cursed and untied his bowtie yet again. He glared viciously at his reflection in the men's room mirror. Tuxedos were an evil, evil thing. 

Sam's head poked in. A head with a perfectly tied bowtie, he might add. "Donna sent me to find you." 

Josh frowned at him, still fumbling with the damn thing at his neck. Sam stepped fully into the restroom and reached for the disastrous knot Josh was creating. "I thought she was going with the sports guy." 

"She's riding with us," said Sam, deftly transforming Josh's tie into the perfect bow, "and meeting him there." He finished and stood back. "There. You look good." He patted Josh on the shoulder. 

"Okay, Sam? You're kinda freakin' me out." 

"Yeah." They exited the bathroom as quickly as possible. 

"So she's meeting him there?" Josh asked, keeping pace with Sam. 

"Yep. Saves her hastle. And by the way," Sam turned his head to face Josh, "you should see what she's wearing." 

"Sam-" 

"She looks fabulous." 

"Sam-" 

"Don't screw this up." 

"She's my assistant, Sam. I am going to a concert with a number of people, one of whom will be my assistant. And can I just say that I'm in no mood to notice what anyone, particularly Donna, is wearing." 

At the very moment the words were out of his mouth, Donna appeared out of nowhere farther down the hallway. She smiled as she caught Josh's eye, and glided towards them, looking absolutely radiant in this pale blue strapless number she had on. It looked like an Audrey Hepburn-type ball gown, and fit her tall slender frame perfectly. 

"Forgot my purse," she said as she moved delicately past them back towards the bullpen. 

Josh's head, of its own accord, turned to watch Donna disappear down the other end of the hallway. Which was a really bad idea, because the next instant he tripped over an unidentified object (aka his own feet) and landed face first on the floor. Thank God that hallway was carpeted. 

"On your feet my friend," Sam said, still walking. 

Josh cursed under his breath and scrambled to his feet. He caught up with Sam and did his absolute best to act casual. 

"Nice job of not noticing." 

"Shut up." 

Donna shifted in her seat, readjusting the gown's silky fabric. It had proved to be a good investment. She just might have to keep this one. She hadn't bought herself a new dress in a while. Well, okay, she kept the red one, but that wasn't exactly something she could wear to party functions. And the dark blue one she'd worn to Friday's fundraiser was from the Inaugural Ball. 

The music was beautiful, as she'd expected, but she kept throwing glances in Josh's direction to make sure he wasn't wigging out. He seemed fine, but he also looked as if he were lost in his own thoughts, which was never a good thing. 

Donna threw a brief look at Dan, seated next to her. He caught her eye, smiled, and then turned his attention back down to the chorus that was singing a collection of South African church hymns. Donna smiled to herself. Dan was still slightly starstruck at being asked to join the President in his private box. She'd been pretty surprised herself, until Josh had given her a small wink as they went up to be seated. 

It was his way of apologizing. 

Donna looked over at Josh again, but this time he caught her gaze and smiled. She smiled back, realizing then and there that a hundred Dan Rydells couldn't make her half as happy as one look from Joshua Lyman.   
He broke off first, still smiling, and Donna reluctantly returned her attention to the music. 

She sighed. If there was one fundamental rule to the Donna Moss universe, it was that things had to be as complicated as they possibly could be. There was a special clause in that rule somewhere that applied to relationships - hell, men in general. 

Pushing it all out of her head for now, Donna settled back in her seat and let the music take total control of her senses. 

It was really beautiful music. 

Josh threw his tuxedo jacket over the back of a chair in the Roosevelt Room and untied the cursed bowtie. "So what are we ordering?" he asked, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. 

"Pizza," Toby said, the word a little muddled by the pen clenched between his teeth. He set the files he'd been going through with a thump on the conference table. 

CJ wrinkled her nose and leaned back in her chair. "I'm not really in the mood for that, Toby." 

Toby gave her a small smile. "I've heard that before." 

"What about that hoagie place?" Sam suggested. 

Ed and Larry grunted in disgust. 

"Okay, then," Josh said, "Chinese it is." He tossed a legal pad onto the center of the table. "You've all got five minutes to decide what you want and write it down on the tablet. I'm not dealing with fifteen interruptions to change the order once I make the call, okay?" 

Ed frowned at him. "Where's Donna?" 

"She's on a date." 

Larry's eyebrow shot up. "Really? You didn't make her come back after the concert?" 

Josh levelled a look at him. "No, I did not." 

"Really?" 

"Could we please turn our attention to what actually needs our attention instead of playing the dating game?" Toby cut it. "The President makes his official statement on stem cell research to Congress tomorrow evening. He wants to come down in favor of the research, but not in a morally reprehensible fashion. We're treading on some very thin ice here, guys. Let's get this together." 

"Toby, did you want the Sesame shrimp or chicken?" CJ asked, scribbling her order onto Josh's legal pad. 

Toby glared at her while Sam tried valiantly not to laugh. The tablet finished it's circulation, and Josh headed off to change clothes and call in the order. 

"Remind me to talk to you tomorrow, Samuel," CJ said calmly. 

"Whatever," Sam replied, knowing full well that CJ intended to rip his ears off over Josh and Donna. 

"Don't worry, Sam," CJ smirked, "you may have done the right thing." 

"I did?" 

"I'm still going to rip your nostrils off for it, but, yeah." They shared a smile. 

Toby looked up from his papers. "Do I want to know?" 

"No," CJ and Sam spoke at the same time. 

"Whatever." 

  


Josh straightened his Harvard sweatshirt (they always overdid the air conditioning in the West Wing) and picked up the phone on Donna's desk. He flipped through her rolodex and miraculously found the number he was looking for. Seating himself on the top of her desk, he began reading the staff's order off the legal pad. 

"I'll take some Kung Pao Chicken," said a voice over his shoulder. 

He nodded automatically and repeated it into the phone while he searched his wallet for a credit card. It wasn't until he'd hung up the phone that he realized the voice had been Donna's. Josh whipped his head around to see Donna standing with her arms crossed behind him. 

"Hey," he said. 

"Hey," she replied. "Thought you might need some help." 

"I thought you were with - y'know - Dan." 

Donna smiled. "He leaves tomorrow, so he had to go back to his hotel and pack." 

"You didn't want to spend more time with him before he left?" Yeah, that's good. Keep pushing it, Lyman. Why don't you just flat out ask her if she slept with him? 

Donna raised her eyebrow at him, indicating that she knew the unspoken meaning behind that question. "I thought I was needed here," she said. 

Did that mean whe he thought it might possibly mean? "I'm glad," he said. "That you came in, I mean. It's Sunday night. You don't have to be here if you don't want to," he added hastily. 

She shrugged. "Well, it beats Nick at Nite." 

Josh smiled, remembering all the episodes of 'I love Lucy', 'Taxi', and 'Dragnet' they had watched together during his recovery. "You gave up the 'Happy Days' marathon to come in and work? Donna, I'm touched." 

"Don't let it get to your head." 

"When have I ever?" 

"Don't get me started. Oh," she added, "I brought you something." 

Josh blinked. "You brought me something?" 

Donna looked at the floor and then back up again. "Actually, it was your Christmas present. With all that happened, I guess I just forgot about it." She reached behind her and pulled out a package wrapped in shiny green paper. 

She handed it to him, and he looked at it for a moment. "Donna..." 

"Just open it." 

He felt horrible. "Donna, I didn't get you anything this year. I wasn't even nice to you. I yelled at you. Numerous times. You had to take me to the hospital on Christmas Eve to get stitches in my hand, and you're giving me a present?" 

Donna smiled. "Yes." 

"Donna..." 

"Will you just open it already?" Donna said, punching him lightly in the arm. 

He undid the wrapping, looked at it, and laughed. It was a large volume dedicated to television's Golden Age, with a large portion devoted to 'I Love Lucy'. Apparently Donna had not forgotten those nights during his recovery either, when they would stay up late and debate whether the chocolate factory episode was funnier than the grape-stomping one. 

"I wrote a note," Donna said, with a mischevious smile. 

He opened the front cover and read her inscription, which spanned the inside cover and the first page. "Donna..." he said, feeling a slight tightness in his throat. 

Donna was smirking now, damn her. "I meant it," she said. 

Josh laughed, remembering the book he'd given her last Christmas. "Funny girl." He looked up and met her eyes. "Thank you. This means a lot." He slid off the desk and pulled her into a hug without thinking. 

She circled her arms around his neck and hugged him back. After a minute, he realized that he should probably let go, though he didn't really want to. "I'm still not buying you skis," he said as he pulled back. 

"Fine," Donna said, pulling away as well. "I'll take a raise." 

He laughed. "Let's go." 

They headed towards the Roosevelt Room. "You're not going to shove that book in a box somewhere in your apartment, are you?" 

"No," Josh said, "I don't think I have any empty boxes." 

"Josh." 

"I won't." 

Donna looked at him. "Promise?" 

He stopped and turned to face her. "I promise on the sould of the Kung Pao Chicken we're about to devour that I will not just shove your book in a box and forget about it, okay?" 

Donna was trying not to laugh. "Kung Pao Chicken has a soul?" 

"You know what I meant." 

"Yeah," she admitted. 

"Okay," he said. 

"Though while I'm not a theological expert, I think most religions would disagree with your assertion that a dish of food has a soul." 

"Whatever. What are you going to promise me?" 

"What?" 

"I made a promise. Now it's your turn." 

"I don't think it works that way, Josh." 

"Since when do we ever do things the way they're supposed to be done?" 

"Fair point," she sighed. "Okay. Here's one. I promise you that I will never leave this job, unless you give me a really good reason to want to." 

"What's a really good reason?" 

"Like not giving me a raise." 

"Donna..." 

She smiled. "Seriously, Josh. I have absolutely no intention of leaving, not even if Mr. Perfect falls out of the sky on my way home tonight." 

"Promise?" He placed a hand on her arm. 

"I promise." She held his gaze. 

"Okay," he said. 

"On the soul of the Kung Pao Chicken," she added, trying valiantly not to laugh. 

Josh sighed. It was going to be a long night. He looked over at Donna as they started walking again, and smiled to himself. 

But not a bad night. 

THE END (stay tuned for the next installment) 


End file.
